Attachment means to be attached to the outcome. Attachment means doing something with the hope that something good will come out of it. Attachment means clinging to something or depending on something because it gives us security, acknowledgement, value, recognition, good feelings or good returns in terms of self -gratification. Attachment also means trying to control the outcome of events through our actions. So, when attachment does not work, ( i.e. it fails to give us good returns or good feelings), it brings pain and disillusionment to the person.  This is how attachment works in our daily life and this is how attachment brings pain.

Our society thinks that it is natural to be attached to something because of the simplistic thinking that if a person does something good, it must come back to him ! So, when something good does not happen to him, he becomes negative. In this way, attachment controls people.

Why does attachment sometimes not work ? It is because everybody is attached to something , everybody is expecting something good in return. Hence, a situation is created where everybody is dependent on each other for self gratification. Without the other person, the person does not feel complete or adequate. He needs the other person to satisfy his needs in attachment. He thinks that it is "natural" to expect and it is natural to be dependent on the other for self satisfaction and happiness. So, dependency turns into something natural, something like the "law of nature", as if we cannot live without it (like we cannot survive without water ).

Through dependency and attachment, we create a situation or condition of survival, where in fact, such a condition does not exist. We create a cage and enslave ourselves in it whereas, there is no cage there in the first place. It is a self created cage.

It is like saying," If you give me something I want, I am ready to help you/give you/love you". It is something that is conditional. Something that depends on a condition.

Without that condition, there is no relationship, no love, no growth.
Our entire life is conditioned by it.


There are many aspects of our everyday life which we take for granted. Not only that, they are the source of our subconscious pain. Yet we are unaware of them. Attachment is one such aspect of our life.


  1. yes, attachment is tricky. Detachment can also be a problem...Its a fine balance I suppose. I went through a zen stage of detachment and it helped in many ways but I think I went too far and became like a floating debris. I felt nothing really and while it brought peace I missed anger...I missed feeling passionate...but it taught me how to let go of outcomes and as a result I am healthier than I was...it's such a tricky concept.

  2. The opposite of attachment is being fully present rather than detachment. That is why I did not write anything about detachment in this post. Maybe I need to write another post to clarify this concept.
    By attachment, I meant being in the future, wanting and expecting something, some returns, etc . etc.
    We do something and we want results. That is attachment. When we do something yet we do it because we genuinely love it or want to do it without getting anything back, then it is not attachment, neither detachment but pure love. Which you call passion. Anger is also a pure passion, when we get angry over any issue like social justice or individual justice, then it is valid expression of pure emotion not attachment-attachment is not when you are angry at something but rather when you are angry at things not working out the way you are desiring. There is a subtle difference between the two- in the first case, your feelings and emotions are pure and they emerge from within you, in the second case, you are wanting your emotions to be validated by others which is like trying to control and dominate. Sorry for this long explanation but I see attachment in this way. I am also not a supporter of cold detachment. Both detachment and attachment has flaws and we should be aware of these.

    1. Yes... I like how you define that and by those definitions I completely understand now and agree. I wish I would have thought of that- as the opposite of attachment isn't detachment... Now I see it and that's how I like to live too... Thanks for the explanation!:)

    2. Ps u astound me at times with how beautifully and elequently simple you can explain complex wisdom. I count myself lucky to have such a learned and wise friend. This taught me...

  3. Thank you, Kmarie, for your feedback. Actually, I am still in the learning stage and my understanding may not be perfect. There might be some flaws in my thinking as well. But I am happy to learn that my explanation /perspective has helped you in some ways. I too am benefited when you share your unique perspective and understanding on any subject. Do keep sharing your views. Take care,

  4. I always get related to all your posts somehow at the right moment :)


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