Attachment means to be attached to the outcome. Attachment means doing something with the hope that something good will come out of it. Attachment means clinging to something or depending on something because it gives us security, acknowledgement, value, recognition, good feelings or good returns in terms of self -gratification. Attachment also means trying to control the outcome of events through our actions. So, when attachment does not work, ( i.e. it fails to give us good returns or good feelings), it brings pain and disillusionment to the person. This is how attachment works in our daily life and this is how attachment brings pain.
Our society thinks that it is natural to be attached to something because of the simplistic thinking that if a person does something good, it must come back to him ! So, when something good does not happen to him, he becomes negative. In this way, attachment controls people.
Why does attachment sometimes not work ? It is because everybody is attached to something , everybody is expecting something good in return. Hence, a situation is created where everybody is dependent on each other for self gratification. Without the other person, the person does not feel complete or adequate. He needs the other person to satisfy his needs in attachment. He thinks that it is "natural" to expect and it is natural to be dependent on the other for self satisfaction and happiness. So, dependency turns into something natural, something like the "law of nature", as if we cannot live without it (like we cannot survive without water ).
Through dependency and attachment, we create a situation or condition of survival, where in fact, such a condition does not exist. We create a cage and enslave ourselves in it whereas, there is no cage there in the first place. It is a self created cage.
It is like saying," If you give me something I want, I am ready to help you/give you/love you". It is something that is conditional. Something that depends on a condition.
Without that condition, there is no relationship, no love, no growth.
Our entire life is conditioned by it.
There are many aspects of our everyday life which we take for granted. Not only that, they are the source of our subconscious pain. Yet we are unaware of them. Attachment is one such aspect of our life.