How to manage your energy better : A guide for empaths, feelers, lovers, idealists ( Part 1) by Sanghamitra Nath

People like us want deep and meaningful relationships. 
But it is not possible with someone who do not value your values. Right ?

You may not experience any value, kindness or empathy while you continue to relate with certain people. These people may be your family or friends or even work colleagues. You have met some of them and often wondered why do you feel so "different" around them.

You mostly feel "confused" by these relationships. Sometimes, you may feel a "deep pain"  and sometimes, "emptiness" even if you had a so called "normal" conversation with them. 

It is because even if some kind of human feelings and values exist between you and the other person, these are simply for the moment, to fulfill a particular need. This is particularly true in the case of a short term relationship. In the case of a long term relationship, these feelings will fluctuate often from kindness one moment to mocking or derogatory comments the next moment and eventually to hate and devaluation on a daily basis.

If a relationship is difficult, an empath tries hard to fix it. An empath puts more and more effort until all her energies are exhausted and she starts feeling frustrated and angry thinking why everything is not working according to the principle of "how it is supposed to be".

 No, as an empath and a feeler, you are not doing anything wrong. But there are certain things that you need to know and learn so that you do not spiral into irritation, negativity or depression while dealing with such relationships. Today, I will discuss about these issues.

Yes, empaths often spiral into negativity, anger and irritation because they want to "forcibly assign",  meaning, love, value and feelings" to  certain relationships. You also lose valuable time, sleep and energy by trying to "do good",  make the best out of the situation and by thinking that "things will be better if you put a little more effort ". The fact that you are losing sleep or time or energy does not matter to you because you value your difficult relationships more than your lost sleep or time. That is why those who are not empaths can sleep peacefully even after devaluing you. They can be successful in their work life even if they ignore you. They can make plans of  having fun just within a few minutes or seconds after hurting you.

Yes, an empath tries hard to make a difficult relationship work. But in all of this, you have to remember that it is "YOU", who is looking at the situation from "YOUR ANGLE", from the idealistic, hopeful, rose tinted glasses. This may have worked in some cases in your life but it is no longer working because this time, the people  involved are not interested in making this work. Maybe, these people only want to maximize their interests. Maybe, these people are constantly thinking about how to get the best deal from all relationships. Maybe, they are the cold calculating types who have already prioritized whom they want to give more  interest and energy in their life ( rather than you ). You have to accept that it is not "YOU", no matter how hard you try to win their affection.

So, you cannot make the relationship work with ONLY your efforts ALONE. But first you have to ask why do you even think that you have to make something "work" in the first place ? Well, the obvious answer is that "it is my nature". It is your inborn nature to do good and have an idealistic outlook.  To create harmony and feel empathy.

But have you ever noticed how other people will not think like you or fail to see things from your perspective ?

Have you also noticed that how this "inborn" nature of yours is harming you over the years? Are these habits and nature allowing you to be happy all the time ? Yes, of course, when you meet like minded people. Then, you feel good that your inborn traits are being reciprocated or acknowledged. But what about those occasions when they are not valued and when they produce the opposite results ? What about those dark times ? Darkness is natural and bad things may happen to good people, but how often and for how long ?

It is difficult for you to be detached because detachment is not your original quality.  This idealistic, inborn nature is so close to your skin, you have grown up with this for so long that you start feeling uncomfortable the moment you are told to act opposite to your nature.

But you have to realize that this idealistic and empathetic nature is disturbing your inner peace.

Although empathy and idealism is a positive motivating force in human life, yet with certain kinds of people and in certain situations, it may create pain, hurt, sorrow, irritation, anger and even violence, if these hurts remain unaddressed for long.

When idealism, empathy, kindness is NOT HEARD or NOT VALUED, the way you would like it to be heard/valued/reciprocated, then love can turn into hate, anger, irritation and even violent behaviour.

So, no matter how idealistic you are, it is always better to be safe. At least with certain kinds of folks and in certain situations. I would say " with all kinds of folks and in all situations because you never know who is going to break your heart later on ".

( please continue reading this post  in Part 2 )