How to manage your energy better : A guide for empaths, feelers, lovers, idealists ( Part 2) by Sanghamitra Nath

(Please refer to my previous post -part 1 to understand this part better)
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In my previous post, I have concluded that if our idealism, love, hope and positivity is not reciprocated, we might turn critical, negative and violent over a period of time. So, the question now is how can we channelize our idealism without getting hurt ?

Idealist people need some kind of connection and passion. They require an idealist atmosphere to thrive. They either need to "give or share" love. They need to do something that is related to love. But how do we express love without fear ? How do we express love without being taken advantage of  ?

The moment we are taken advantage of, all love turns into fear, anger or violence. Yet, at the same time, we cannot do without love. We cannot go on in our life when love is lacking or missing.

Initially, what happens is that we give our love and we continue to give love even after we are hurt or taken advantage of. It is because we have an abundance of love that we are willing to give and share even after the initial hurt.

But as time goes by, this non-reciprocity makes us bitter and we cannot give love, anymore, any longer.  We become bitter and hard. This hardness makes us cold and uncomfortable. Then how can we continue to feel love or give love ?

What LOVE means to you - which is something  very deep and committed is "seen" very differently by others. For them, love is not as deep or selfless. Rather it is selfish (when they use you to maximize their selfish needs or when they pressurize you to do things for them or simply use you and then conveniently forgets  to address your needs when they arise).

So, even if you give or share love selflessly, you will never get the same/ exact feelings back. Because they "DO NOT FEEL or  EXPERIENCE"  love the same way you are experiencing it. You have to understand this. For other people, it is an act, an acting, a mask to get their things done and  also a mask to function normally or socially. They are not deep and true.

So, think about it. Where are you investing your LOVE now and where should you invest rather ? And even if you are investing or giving selfless love , do other people feel the same way ? Probably not. Moreover, for them, love is constant talking  and communicating without any feelings involved. Only small talk about "how are you, how is the weather" without having any feelings for you .

So, if you think that by communicating and by taking part in all these conversations will make love come alive, it will NOT because the basic energy is missing. ( somebody can copy you but cannot copy your vibes/energy). That is why, we feel drained even after a normal conversation. So, talk and communicate but do not expect any compassion or emotional empathy from that communication.

What is love according to you is very different from what is love, according to them. Maybe, for their loved ones ( their children, parents , grandkids, etc.etc. ) they have a bit of emotional empathy, but for you, and in regard to your feelings, they have none. For you, the only thing that is there is to have meaningless conversations (aka small talk that drags on for hours and brings them and their close circle to the centre of attention) which will drain you, confuse you and even make you angry later on. So, tread carefully.

But then the question that remains to be answered is -How do we, (as idealists, empaths and feelers ) stay sane, happy and content if this world is sometimes a very difficult place to live in ? Stay tuned for the third  part of this blog post, where I shall discuss about how an  empath/idealist can thrive in the midst of difficulties.

Thank you for reading !

How to manage your energy better : A guide for empaths, feelers, lovers, idealists ( Part 1) by Sanghamitra Nath

People like us want deep and meaningful relationships. 
But it is not possible with someone who do not value your values. Right ?

You may not experience any value, kindness or empathy while you continue to relate with certain people. These people may be your family or friends or even work colleagues. You have met some of them and often wondered why do you feel so "different" around them.

You mostly feel "confused" by these relationships. Sometimes, you may feel a "deep pain"  and sometimes, "emptiness" even if you had a so called "normal" conversation with them. 

It is because even if some kind of human feelings and values exist between you and the other person, these are simply for the moment, to fulfill a particular need. This is particularly true in the case of a short term relationship. In the case of a long term relationship, these feelings will fluctuate often from kindness one moment to mocking or derogatory comments the next moment and eventually to hate and devaluation on a daily basis.

If a relationship is difficult, an empath tries hard to fix it. An empath puts more and more effort until all her energies are exhausted and she starts feeling frustrated and angry thinking why everything is not working according to the principle of "how it is supposed to be".

 No, as an empath and a feeler, you are not doing anything wrong. But there are certain things that you need to know and learn so that you do not spiral into irritation, negativity or depression while dealing with such relationships. Today, I will discuss about these issues.

Yes, empaths often spiral into negativity, anger and irritation because they want to "forcibly assign",  meaning, love, value and feelings" to  certain relationships. You also lose valuable time, sleep and energy by trying to "do good",  make the best out of the situation and by thinking that "things will be better if you put a little more effort ". The fact that you are losing sleep or time or energy does not matter to you because you value your difficult relationships more than your lost sleep or time. That is why those who are not empaths can sleep peacefully even after devaluing you. They can be successful in their work life even if they ignore you. They can make plans of  having fun just within a few minutes or seconds after hurting you.

Yes, an empath tries hard to make a difficult relationship work. But in all of this, you have to remember that it is "YOU", who is looking at the situation from "YOUR ANGLE", from the idealistic, hopeful, rose tinted glasses. This may have worked in some cases in your life but it is no longer working because this time, the people  involved are not interested in making this work. Maybe, these people only want to maximize their interests. Maybe, these people are constantly thinking about how to get the best deal from all relationships. Maybe, they are the cold calculating types who have already prioritized whom they want to give more  interest and energy in their life ( rather than you ). You have to accept that it is not "YOU", no matter how hard you try to win their affection.

So, you cannot make the relationship work with ONLY your efforts ALONE. But first you have to ask why do you even think that you have to make something "work" in the first place ? Well, the obvious answer is that "it is my nature". It is your inborn nature to do good and have an idealistic outlook.  To create harmony and feel empathy.

But have you ever noticed how other people will not think like you or fail to see things from your perspective ?

Have you also noticed that how this "inborn" nature of yours is harming you over the years? Are these habits and nature allowing you to be happy all the time ? Yes, of course, when you meet like minded people. Then, you feel good that your inborn traits are being reciprocated or acknowledged. But what about those occasions when they are not valued and when they produce the opposite results ? What about those dark times ? Darkness is natural and bad things may happen to good people, but how often and for how long ?

It is difficult for you to be detached because detachment is not your original quality.  This idealistic, inborn nature is so close to your skin, you have grown up with this for so long that you start feeling uncomfortable the moment you are told to act opposite to your nature.

But you have to realize that this idealistic and empathetic nature is disturbing your inner peace.

Although empathy and idealism is a positive motivating force in human life, yet with certain kinds of people and in certain situations, it may create pain, hurt, sorrow, irritation, anger and even violence, if these hurts remain unaddressed for long.

When idealism, empathy, kindness is NOT HEARD or NOT VALUED, the way you would like it to be heard/valued/reciprocated, then love can turn into hate, anger, irritation and even violent behaviour.

So, no matter how idealistic you are, it is always better to be safe. At least with certain kinds of folks and in certain situations. I would say " with all kinds of folks and in all situations because you never know who is going to break your heart later on ".

( please continue reading this post  in Part 2 )