Beauty and Madness

 

For a long time, I have not updated my blog. That is because I have been dealing with a lot of events in my life lately. My husband has been transferred to a new city. We will move there as soon as he finds a new home for us. Meanwhile, I have left my old city for good, with bag and baggage and right now, I am living with my parents in my childhood hometown. 


My health is also improving though there is lot left to be desired. At my parents home, I am getting enough time to take rest, eat good food and soak in the sunshine, all of which is good for my health.

  

I did lose interest in photography, writing, blogging and other such creative pursuits because of my health and also because of the adverse reactions of the strong medicines that I have been taking for a while. However, in spite of all these events, I have been thinking of beauty and seeing beauty everywhere. I do not know how this happens, but I can just “see” that. Something about life still intrigues me…the fragrance of flowers, the wild plant that grows between the creeks, the voice of  certain singers ( Linda Ronstadt , Lisa Stansfield ), their soul stirring melancholic songs, their voice hitting a certain note at a certain point of the song…and a lot of other things like the play of light and shade through the window in a room at odd hours…certain colors, like the color pale green or white and the mood created by them.

  

Beauty is beautiful indeed. To live , to feel alive as if my face has been splashed with a sudden gush of water…rain water, forcing me to come alive at this very moment..like a newborn calf that wants to run just after it comes out of its mother’s womb…it happens. 



Life gets more mysterious as time marches on. It plays tricks on us, on our senses. We fall apart sometimes but there is something that pulls us up in the midst of nowhere….it takes us by surprise…it shows us the madness that is called life. Madness and Chaos. And Beauty in the midst of it.

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Photo Description: Flowers I decorated in a brass metal urli (bowl) filled with water. All flowers are from my mom's garden.

Intensity

Intense is her name. 
Her other name.

she can forget who she is but not how she feels from within.

for her love is not merely sweet love, but a burning fire in her heart and her belly that never fades...she needs to keep the flame alive, forever. because her own life force is hidden inside it...

she will not rest till she goes to the deep end of the ocean..she wants to see what lies beneath and beyond....but she does not know that she herself is the ocean bed.

Everything accumulates in her...every passion and every emotion. everything gets out of control once they are inside of her...

God never made her the waves of the ocean where things float on the surface but the ocean bed itself which collects everything ...every sorrow, every pain...where everything sinks to the bottom...

she is so deep that even she cannot recognize herself sometimes...even she is not aware of her own depths...

she wants to force other ( mostly unwilling ) people to take that journey with her. But she cannot do that. Because what she sees, she cannot make others see that. When she realizes that, she comes face to face with loneliness for the first time in her life...

You will often find her murmuring to herself :

"I want to burn and set everything to fire so that they know how does it  feel to burn so intensely from within."