Writing Again ( by Sanghamitra Nath)

Dear Friends,

I am writing again, after a long long time. The last time I wrote was 5 months back and before that, 3 Years back.

Sometimes, I wonder why I don't write as much as I used to even though I love to write so much !  Maybe, one of the reasons is that I have lost the connection that I used to have with my own self. Or that for a long long time, I have forgotten what it means to have a sense of self.

Today, some of my old Blogger friends were discussing about the lost art of writing and blogging. Their conversation has motivated me to write again. So, after a long gap, I am writing again.

Writers like me live in a highly abstract world- a world which cannot be understood by many and sometimes, if you begin to describe it, they may call you weird or strange. So, it is best to put down my thoughts in writing (to self ) rather than speaking ( to others). It is very essential for abstract people like writers to express their thoughts and in the absence of many people not understanding us, we have to get it out of our system not by trying to explain to people by speaking out but by writing out in a journal or a blogging platform. Of course, we are speaking to an audience but that is later. First, we are speaking to ourselves. We are putting ourselves in front of the world but before that, we are "coming out"of our shells in which we have been hiding for so long. This is a sign of establishing or asserting our identity.
Writers write about what is important for them.What they have known for so long. What they love. What they want. What they hope. What keeps them going. The conversations that they have with themselves. What they want to release or surrender.
And these conversations can be sometimes very long, absurd and abstract for the readers but not for the writers. For them, writing is life itself.

Anyways, I am already feeling so good for being finally able to write after a long long time. So much has happened over these years. I did not even document these incidents and events in my writing. But that is not necessary. I am not saying that analyzing or keeping record of our lives is not necessary but what is perhaps more necessary is our connection with our self even after all these years and not getting lost in the events that overpowered us.

I think I have said enough for today. I hope to keep writing in this space as frequently as possible.

Intensity

Intense is her name. 
Her other name.

she can forget who she is but not how she feels from within.

for her love is not merely sweet love, but a burning fire in her heart and her belly that never fades...she needs to keep the flame alive, forever. because her own life force is hidden inside it...

she will not rest till she goes to the deep end of the ocean..she wants to see what lies beneath and beyond....but she does not know that she herself is the ocean bed.

Everything accumulates in her...every passion and every emotion. everything gets out of control once they are inside of her...

God never made her the waves of the ocean where things float on the surface but the ocean bed itself which collects everything ...every sorrow, every pain...where everything sinks to the bottom...

she is so deep that even she cannot recognize herself sometimes...even she is not aware of her own depths...

she wants to force other ( mostly unwilling ) people to take that journey with her. But she cannot do that. Because what she sees, she cannot make others see that. When she realizes that, she comes face to face with loneliness for the first time in her life...

You will often find her murmuring to herself :

"I want to burn and set everything to fire so that they know how does it  feel to burn so intensely from within."

some artworks

When health is not well, it is difficult to focus on anything, let alone creative activities. Reading seems much easier than the rest. Writing or painting requires more energy. Therefore, at first, I took to reading. Then I went back to photography and writing when I was feeling slightly better. But finally, I went back to painting and sketching...that too, after a long time.
Anyway, I thought of sharing some photographs of the sketches and paintings that I made during this period. 

                      watercolor-1- I love to paint bird sitting on a tree.
   
watercolor-2, bird again.  
pencil sketch-1-portrait of a girl. I love to create portraits.   
pencil sketch 2- I love to sketch portraits in different moods.




Do you like them ? I hope that I will do some more paintings and share with you in my blog. Meanwhile, I wanted to also share that I have created a pinterest board in this long absence of mine. This board is currently dedicated specifically to my personality type. I hope to add some other stuffs soon. You can visit it here.
My PINTEREST.

I create my dreams

 
Thought of sharing something after a long time. 

I wrote a few poems. One of them I am posting below. Also a photo of me, with my short haircut, I am posting above.

" I Create My Dreams "

Everything about my past is existing still,

Still growing within me like as if I am carrying an unwanted child within my belly,

My memories and me,

We are that inseparable.

And I can't sleep because of that.

And then I can't sleep also because I have dreams in my eyes ,

Dreams that keeps me awake,

All that which is not there in my surroundings to soothe me,

I create in my soul.

Because I felt so alone in my loneliness.

 ------

( decoding the poem a bit ):

Sometimes, for me, that which I imagine, i.e. the imaginary is as real. In fact at times, there is no difference. Sometimes, we would like to desperately forget the real or want to escape from the real. In those times, the real is not needed, reality does not give solace. So we imagine something else. 
So, sometimes, there is no difference at all. 
Imagination is an alternative reality.

The feeling of the imaginary is so damn real that sometimes it feels like someone is breathing down our shoulders or someone is running a razor over our arms. The feeling is totally real. We can create any feeling or any reality we want at any instant and to any extent like magic. This is so powerful, I feel.