How to manage your energy better : A guide for empaths, feelers, lovers, idealists ( Part 2) by Sanghamitra Nath

(Please refer to my previous post -part 1 to understand this part better)
-------------

In my previous post, I have concluded that if our idealism, love, hope and positivity is not reciprocated, we might turn critical, negative and violent over a period of time. So, the question now is how can we channelize our idealism without getting hurt ?

Idealist people need some kind of connection and passion. They require an idealist atmosphere to thrive. They either need to "give or share" love. They need to do something that is related to love. But how do we express love without fear ? How do we express love without being taken advantage of  ?

The moment we are taken advantage of, all love turns into fear, anger or violence. Yet, at the same time, we cannot do without love. We cannot go on in our life when love is lacking or missing.

Initially, what happens is that we give our love and we continue to give love even after we are hurt or taken advantage of. It is because we have an abundance of love that we are willing to give and share even after the initial hurt.

But as time goes by, this non-reciprocity makes us bitter and we cannot give love, anymore, any longer.  We become bitter and hard. This hardness makes us cold and uncomfortable. Then how can we continue to feel love or give love ?

What LOVE means to you - which is something  very deep and committed is "seen" very differently by others. For them, love is not as deep or selfless. Rather it is selfish (when they use you to maximize their selfish needs or when they pressurize you to do things for them or simply use you and then conveniently forgets  to address your needs when they arise).

So, even if you give or share love selflessly, you will never get the same/ exact feelings back. Because they "DO NOT FEEL or  EXPERIENCE"  love the same way you are experiencing it. You have to understand this. For other people, it is an act, an acting, a mask to get their things done and  also a mask to function normally or socially. They are not deep and true.

So, think about it. Where are you investing your LOVE now and where should you invest rather ? And even if you are investing or giving selfless love , do other people feel the same way ? Probably not. Moreover, for them, love is constant talking  and communicating without any feelings involved. Only small talk about "how are you, how is the weather" without having any feelings for you .

So, if you think that by communicating and by taking part in all these conversations will make love come alive, it will NOT because the basic energy is missing. ( somebody can copy you but cannot copy your vibes/energy). That is why, we feel drained even after a normal conversation. So, talk and communicate but do not expect any compassion or emotional empathy from that communication.

What is love according to you is very different from what is love, according to them. Maybe, for their loved ones ( their children, parents , grandkids, etc.etc. ) they have a bit of emotional empathy, but for you, and in regard to your feelings, they have none. For you, the only thing that is there is to have meaningless conversations (aka small talk that drags on for hours and brings them and their close circle to the centre of attention) which will drain you, confuse you and even make you angry later on. So, tread carefully.

But then the question that remains to be answered is -How do we, (as idealists, empaths and feelers ) stay sane, happy and content if this world is sometimes a very difficult place to live in ? Stay tuned for the third  part of this blog post, where I shall discuss about how an  empath/idealist can thrive in the midst of difficulties.

Thank you for reading !

How to manage your energy better : A guide for empaths, feelers, lovers, idealists ( Part 1) by Sanghamitra Nath

People like us want deep and meaningful relationships. 
But it is not possible with someone who do not value your values. Right ?

You may not experience any value, kindness or empathy while you continue to relate with certain people. These people may be your family or friends or even work colleagues. You have met some of them and often wondered why do you feel so "different" around them.

You mostly feel "confused" by these relationships. Sometimes, you may feel a "deep pain"  and sometimes, "emptiness" even if you had a so called "normal" conversation with them. 

It is because even if some kind of human feelings and values exist between you and the other person, these are simply for the moment, to fulfill a particular need. This is particularly true in the case of a short term relationship. In the case of a long term relationship, these feelings will fluctuate often from kindness one moment to mocking or derogatory comments the next moment and eventually to hate and devaluation on a daily basis.

If a relationship is difficult, an empath tries hard to fix it. An empath puts more and more effort until all her energies are exhausted and she starts feeling frustrated and angry thinking why everything is not working according to the principle of "how it is supposed to be".

 No, as an empath and a feeler, you are not doing anything wrong. But there are certain things that you need to know and learn so that you do not spiral into irritation, negativity or depression while dealing with such relationships. Today, I will discuss about these issues.

Yes, empaths often spiral into negativity, anger and irritation because they want to "forcibly assign",  meaning, love, value and feelings" to  certain relationships. You also lose valuable time, sleep and energy by trying to "do good",  make the best out of the situation and by thinking that "things will be better if you put a little more effort ". The fact that you are losing sleep or time or energy does not matter to you because you value your difficult relationships more than your lost sleep or time. That is why those who are not empaths can sleep peacefully even after devaluing you. They can be successful in their work life even if they ignore you. They can make plans of  having fun just within a few minutes or seconds after hurting you.

Yes, an empath tries hard to make a difficult relationship work. But in all of this, you have to remember that it is "YOU", who is looking at the situation from "YOUR ANGLE", from the idealistic, hopeful, rose tinted glasses. This may have worked in some cases in your life but it is no longer working because this time, the people  involved are not interested in making this work. Maybe, these people only want to maximize their interests. Maybe, these people are constantly thinking about how to get the best deal from all relationships. Maybe, they are the cold calculating types who have already prioritized whom they want to give more  interest and energy in their life ( rather than you ). You have to accept that it is not "YOU", no matter how hard you try to win their affection.

So, you cannot make the relationship work with ONLY your efforts ALONE. But first you have to ask why do you even think that you have to make something "work" in the first place ? Well, the obvious answer is that "it is my nature". It is your inborn nature to do good and have an idealistic outlook.  To create harmony and feel empathy.

But have you ever noticed how other people will not think like you or fail to see things from your perspective ?

Have you also noticed that how this "inborn" nature of yours is harming you over the years? Are these habits and nature allowing you to be happy all the time ? Yes, of course, when you meet like minded people. Then, you feel good that your inborn traits are being reciprocated or acknowledged. But what about those occasions when they are not valued and when they produce the opposite results ? What about those dark times ? Darkness is natural and bad things may happen to good people, but how often and for how long ?

It is difficult for you to be detached because detachment is not your original quality.  This idealistic, inborn nature is so close to your skin, you have grown up with this for so long that you start feeling uncomfortable the moment you are told to act opposite to your nature.

But you have to realize that this idealistic and empathetic nature is disturbing your inner peace.

Although empathy and idealism is a positive motivating force in human life, yet with certain kinds of people and in certain situations, it may create pain, hurt, sorrow, irritation, anger and even violence, if these hurts remain unaddressed for long.

When idealism, empathy, kindness is NOT HEARD or NOT VALUED, the way you would like it to be heard/valued/reciprocated, then love can turn into hate, anger, irritation and even violent behaviour.

So, no matter how idealistic you are, it is always better to be safe. At least with certain kinds of folks and in certain situations. I would say " with all kinds of folks and in all situations because you never know who is going to break your heart later on ".

( please continue reading this post  in Part 2 )

Love

Today it is cold outside. A beautiful cold morning.

Today is also Saturday. Most offices and workplaces have a half day of work. Today is also Valentine's day. So, the young office goers will get half of the day to celebrate V day with their family, friends or their beloved.

As for myself, I am fortunate that I have a beloved in the first place. Celebration comes much later or not at all.

Everybody who has a beloved child, sister, relative or a husband will know what I am saying. We have a valuable gift. And those who don't have anyone, we have to give them our love. By our kind words and beautiful gestures, we have to heal the world.

Last night, I was talking with my 65 year aunt over the telephone. She, who never married and has no child of her own, she, who lives alone away from me in a faraway place,  it was her voice, her empathy and the kind words that she spoke to me over the telephone that reminded me of the power of love once again.

The power of love is that, love has the power to heal. No, not to heal that much, but to assure us that we are not alone in this universe. The power of love is that it allows us to belong somewhere...in someone's heart, in someone's home or in someone's thoughts...

The sense of belongingness that love gives, nothing can give. Love gives us the sense that we are not alone. That we are not left out. That we are accepted. And we are allowed into something...into the life of someone else and also allowed to be ourselves, I guess. No, not by someone's permission but by someone's kindness...the look  of love says it all...it says, you are allowed into my life...but more importantly, you are allowed to be yourself.

Times are changing. The world is not what it used to be when I was young. But thank God, Love is. In this foreverchanging world, love is perhaps needed more than ever before.

Whenever you feel sad, down, or betrayed by life remember this :

We have the power of love to change the world. So, go out and reach out, even if it is a single soul, a single person or a single plant...give it a part of your soul ..who knows maybe it is the only thing that it was craving for so long....

~

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge.

That myth is more potent than history.

That dreams are more powerful than facts.

That hope always triumphs over experience.

 That laughter is the only cure for grief.

And I believe that love is stronger than death.

~Robert Fulghum

To the river of secrets

{For centuries, the rivers of our country have been guarding so many secrets of the soul…

In our tradition, when one dies, the dead body is burnt in firewood and afterwards,  the ashes are immersed and floated away in the river…. Therefore, our ancient rivers know every secret of our soul which remains unknown even to this world or society …}

-----------

I have always wondered.... Why should our differences come in the way of our love ? Why are we using our differences to create a rift in our love that we have for each other ? Does these differences really matter and if these really really matter, then love is needed  perhaps even more now than ever before to heal the wounds created by these differences.

Or maybe, you don’t need this love or healing because to you, these differences are so vital and of so much  significance … and  perhaps love would make them appear less significant.

Whatever it is but it is true that I need love to hold on to you but do you ?  Do you need love or do you just need to hold on to me with or without love… with me  sitting by your side, living under the same sky that shelters us and that is what you would love to call love …but I want a little more than that …I want to enter your soul and I want you to enter in my soul…to the extent that you and I no longer remain two separate entities…so that I can forget who I am and who you are…is that even possible ? I am sure, it is …in my dreams, in my imagination but most of all, in my daily efforts to reunite us, each moment, each day…

Are you even aware of what is going on in my mind ? about the thoughts that I am having about you and me ? Perhaps not …

And that is why my thoughts are so precious…I love you not only in reality and through my actions but also in my thoughts..everyday  my thoughts live up to my expectations of a perfect love…

Yes, I am that kind of a girl.

I do not come from a broken life. I have a life, a good one and that too, that fulfills all your criteria and standards of a good life.

But I come from a broken heart. 

My soul cannot reach most of you. So I came this far in search of a perfect life in spite of having a good life.
Yes, I know that millions of people are homeless and friendless. Still, I am looking for something more than that ….

You see, I have my ideals firmly placed in my heart which I have been compromising for too long but compromising  does not mean that I will not keep thinking about what I ideally want to have.

That which God does not give us like -  love, peace and fulfillment, I will try to get them.

 I will try even if I don’t get them.

There are three ways that I feel fulfilled:

In trying and searching, I feel half fulfilled…

In dreaming and imagining that I have got them, I am more than half fulfilled …

and

In believing that one day, I will get near them and acquire them, I feel ultimate fulfillment and happiness.

Thus, happiness for me is : believing in the near impossible.

Maybe, it seems to you that I am talking like a frustrated child but I am not a child. A child may not think consciously but I am writing & thinking with full knowledge and awareness.

It does not matter whether you call me a fool, a crazy girl, or something else,  I will still continue to think like that.

You will never think like me and I will never think like you.

 And sometimes, when we do think like each other, we call it love.

I am grateful for the things that God gave me and I want them not replaced but reformed with more feelings, more love and more attachment and connection. It is not with the things that I have but with the gravity and depth of the things and the dimensions of the things…

Also, I need something extra, something extraordinary that is there in my visualization and one day my visualizations will take form, I believe.

I am not ignorant.

 I am aware that I might never get what I want. In fact, I have a doubt that the things that I want may not totally exist also.

But I like to doubt also. Because in doubting, there is 50:50 chance !!

So rather than not dreaming, not wanting and not wishing at all…let me at least dream, wish and then doubt it all…

Let me fantasize and visualize and only after that, I will throw all of it  away in your waters  where you will secretly guard my secrets forever…

Because you know that the soul has a life of its own…