Embracing my Inner Artist

01-9199283005_014c7de0c9_oIt took me sometime to realize the significance of the gifts that God has given to all of us.

Prior to that, for almost ten years, I stopped painting. That was the time, I was doing my research and was simultaneously teaching in a college. My art book, my painting brushes and my old paintings were gathering dust somewhere in an old chest somewhere in my parents' home.
But I was not happy, after all.

It is not easy. In a society where money is everything. If not money, then the cause itself, the cause of doing something solely for your own interest { where the society is not directly getting any benefit from it }  is considered selfish in itself.

But only the heart of an artist can feel the longing of another artist.

In  a short story written by Rabindranath Tagore,  titled "The  Artist", the mother { a homemaker and an unknown artist herself }, says of her artist son, defending him against his uncle who discouraged art :  " If he ends up a street beggar, that would be better. But I pray, he never turns out like you ".

Actually, I was obsessed with art and creativity from a very young age. I did not even go to any art school, yet I was drawn to art like anything. It would be very simplistic to say that I found solace in art. Life was art for me, or rather art was life.

Art, not only in the form of sketching and painting, but creating anything be it making a collage, making a  bag, decorating the room, writing poetry, getting lost in music, styling food in a plate, designing outfits, or photographing objects and subjects or simply  feeling and seeing the beauty of nature with a sense of  awe and wonder... finding beauty in day to day simple things...in the structure of a coriander leaf or a citrus fruit..
For me, everything in life was art.

I would talk about art and creativity to disinterested friends and relatives. They would find my ideas, "abstract" and "philosophical ".

Gradually, I began to keep a distance from these people and stopped bothering them with my over enthusiasm for anything artistic or creative.
Yet, I had to sit with them and listen to their conversation about the topics that interested them, topics like whose daughter eloped with whom and who is good and who is bad and what will they be wearing at which party. But I felt uneasy, particularly with the gossip and the hatred that people had  for each other.
Gradually, I distanced myself..
As a result, I was called aloof and unsocial.

But I was lonely in a sea of people.
I was not comfortable with this loneliness.
But then, "Almost all creative souls are lonely."
So, with this understanding, I began to enjoy my loneliness or alone-ness.

Years rolled by. I could clearly see by then that it would be difficult for me to fit into a lot of places.  But I wanted to follow my heart.

Fast Forward to the present.
I started painting again. I started sketching.

The first time, I took the pencil in my hands, after a gap of ten long years, I was frightened. I was trying to sketch the figure of a woman and I was not getting the strokes and the shapes right. Somewhere I was feeling a lack of a natural flow. The lack of  spontaneity.
That day, the sketch did not turn out to be good.
So the next morning , I woke up and re-sketched. I corrected the features with the help of an eraser. I used the eraser again and again. I corrected the sketch so many times, until I got all the expressions on her face according to my desire. I was finally happy. I finally felt confident.

So, I started sketching again, I started feeling the music and rhythm of my life again, I started writing poetry again, I started renewing my creative life.

Finally, I embraced my inner artist.

After cleaning, cooking, mopping and washing, I had the entire day left all to myself.
I plunged myself  into the sea of creativity.


  1. Oh yes...I feel that way too...and did in my past. They all wanted to talk about defined black and whites and I wanted to talk about beauty or experience it through the arts. It can be a very tough way to live but also very inspired. They truly are missing out although it does come with pain too. I guess we all choose which pains we want to take with what we choose to do:)
    I love the pictures. I missed your pictures and your beauty in your words. SO glad you are back!
    With love

  2. Thank you, Kmarie for your feedback. I loved it when you said :" I guess we all choose which pains we want to take with what we choose to do:)". True indeed !
    Take care,

  3. is there anything better than embracing again those gifts? I think they are deep within the soul and sometimes maybe we take a break from them for our own sake but in the end we go back to them. I'm glad you're sketching again and writing again and using your gifts. this was a beautiful post!!

  4. Thank you Nyssa, for truly understanding the value of the gifts that God gives us. By valuing them, we give value to ourselves.
    {P.S: Both of us do think about the same things at the same time leading to coincidences/similarities in our writing !}
    take care,

  5. Yes the little things hold art.I know how it feels when people find something like this boring.I used to share my thoughts and question everything to my parents but their reactions were not what i thought i would get so i stopped talking.One of my friend listened to me whatever i said and at times encouraged me with things.That friend doesn't know but they helped me in a way i can never ever tell them how thankful i am.And that friend of mine is the one who encouraged me to write and start blogging through there writings (in disguise).
    I can't say about coriander leaves much but yes i love the pattern of citrus fruits and the smell is always enchanting of course :)
    I am glad i can read you after so long :))


  6. Thank you Alcina, for sharing your thoughts here. As the saying goes, "God may close one door, but he always finds a way to open another." What you felt missing in someone was filled up by another, even without their knowledge.
    I too have been guided by such people without their knowledge...they still don't know what impact they had on me...its long since we parted ways and I don't even know where they live now. God does send some people in our life for a purpose and then God takes them away when the purpose is fulfilled. Without such friends and like minded company, we would have been very lonely in our journey. A sensitive and creative soul can understand another sensitive soul better. People who have deep/intense emotions, desires and feelings belong to a small group or "a creative minority". So,we need each other to grow.
    {You have the gift of sensitivity, not everyone has that so they don't understand.}
    Take care

  7. dear s,
    having danced all my life, or since a very young age, and later having chosen that as my profession, i have been labeled an artist for quite long.
    however, these days the depth of art has been more discovered to me, and i realize that, just like you mention, art is life, art is in creation on so many levels. cooking, planting, building, sowing, sewing, breathing.

    my need to create is essential, as i believe it is for most of us, unfortunately we do not always prioritize to find out what kind of creativity fits us, at this moment.

    again, i feel the need to deepen more into dancing, after a long while of experiencing more the need to work with my hands, something more concrete, hands on.
    i try to listen and to nourish.

    so happy you are back!

    1. Sara, so true, for an artist , art is no longer limited to the art form { painting, dancing }, it transcends the art form and it takes all over the life. Maybe, for an artist, the need to create goes to the extent of creating a life of one's own with one's own hands { and the senses} and not be satisfied with what everybody else is doing in general...therefore, we try to feel life, beautify life, determine its own pace { decide whether we would love a fast life or a slow one } or search for a deep spiritual meaning in it. And above all, give expression to all of these emotions through the process of creation like art,dancing or writing !!!
      Thank you for sharing your voice,
      take care

  8. Can't tell you how much I missed reading all this,your experiences,your creativity ah..
    Thank You for writing again :) :)

    1. Thank you Dipa, for encouraging me again !!
      sending lots of love to you,

  9. Oh..how I loved the rhythm of your writing! Everyone is a born artist, but only few realize it. You cannot teach creativity to someone just like that. You know I started to feel like that as well, none of my close friends are creative in any way, they are into watching T.V serials, gossiping about guys and their girlfriends and so on, but this doesn't at all for once interests me! That's not my problem, I am different like everyone else! Being alone with myself is the best-est thing I think, at-least I never bore myself with boring thoughts, am always busy thinking cool n awesome stuffs and you know what? last day I missed my college stop cos I was lost in thinking about a possible way of doing light trails holding the mobile phone!!! hahahaaa

    1. Getting lost, drifting, and doing something creative,etc.etc. while on your way to something else altogether-it happens to creative souls a lot ! Have you ever noticed that some children while on their way to the school bust stop get lost in following an ant trail !Life is so interesting for the creative and imaginative souls, boredom is almost non-existent. True indeed !
      And I am hoping you will upload some of your latest work on light trail photography in your blog soon. Thanks for expressing your thoughts here,
      take care,

  10. beautiful!!!!

    love and light

    1. Thank you Cat for reading !
      take care,


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