How To Manage Energy Better; A Guide for Empaths, Feelers, Lovers and Idealists (Part 3 by Sanghamitra Nath)

Read part 1 here and part 2 here

1) First, Try to Know Yourself : Are you an unconditionally loving, caring, forgiving, accepting ,co-operative, understanding, hopeful, gentle, silent, free giver of emotions, positive and peace loving person ? Then, you are most likely an empath/feeler/idealist. This is where your energy lies.

As an empath, there are mainly two reasons why you should manage your energy. These are-
a) As an empath, you are energy sensitive. You have unlimited energy for understanding, loving, kindness and tolerating. You are a giver. You give more than you take.
Unlimited energy + tolerance makes you an easy target /victim of a brutal society.
b) However, as an empath, you also have limited energy for negativity, hatred, gossip, etc. etc. You get drained by too much external stimuli. Limited energy makes you the victim of your own circumstances and you fail to realize your full potential.You create your own energy blockages.

2) Second, Try to Know Others :  When you relate to another person, observe what is his/ her energy like ? Is it opposite to your energy ? Is the person anxious, self centred, bragging all the time, doesn't let you be, controlling, loud, hateful, negative, non-compromising, interfering, forceful, gossiping, lying, spreading rumours, brooding, calculating, giving only with conditions, withholding emotions, restless, type ?

3) When you observe a mis-match of energies between you and the other person, that is the first sign that you should draw a boundary. Do not try to fill up the gaps in energies or this mis-match by your efforts, or by compromising because you have found a few likeable /similar  traits or by showing extra kindness. If you do so, things will be better for a while but after some time, your energy will go downhill.

4) If you feel guilty for not being able to show the level of kindness  ( as shown by you previously) or by drawing boundaries, then remember that guilt may occur due to the following reasons :
i. Guilt is a sign of fear or shame which you have forgotten now but it is still unconsciously rooted in your childhood/post-childhood/somewhere in your past. Maybe, it is a sign that your inner child was shamed by an adult (from your past or felt shamed by society), from which your adult self has not yet recovered. 
ii. Guilt also means "that you deeply believe that being still controlled by society  is ok  because you are "not mature enough to know the good from the bad". 
iii. Guilt may be a sign of shutting down your emotions (because of something that happened to you in the past) but now you are ashamed of that act and now you want to do the right thing by pleasing people/ society who do not add any value to your life. For you, the relationship is more important than your feelings or values because you can compromise your values but you cannot compromise with your relations. 
iv. Maybe, for you, any relation ( even if you feel empty and drained), is better than no relation. 
v. Guilt is very tricky/ confusing and often very personal/ private. If you feel guilty, remember that guilt makes you feel small in comparison to others whereas love makes you feel good/ comfortable/ happy. If you feel guilty for not doing something, then remember that anything that makes you feel small cannot be better than  your failure/what you have not done. 

5) If at all, you are forced to maintain a relationship with mis-matched energies, then you have to do the following things- find a person or thing with a matching energy and invest most of  your emotions into it. That could be a friend, a pet, book, internet forums, etc.etc. Spend less and less time with the mis-matched energy.

6) Whenever you are with a mis-matched energy, hold yourself ( centre yourself) within your boundary. Do not invest any emotion or energy into that relationship- only formalities are allowed. The moment you invest energy/emotion by showing genuine interest, extending help, listening to their sorrows, complaints, etc.etc.,  you will spiral out of control because from that point on-you will get sucked into their energy field of negative energies.

7) Whenever possible, ( I know that it is not possible all the time but ) control the urge to speak or give your opinions on matters initiated by them. Control the urge to participate not only in their drama and negative energies, BUT ALSO in their harmless or meaningless conversations. Try to be a silent observer instead. It is the only way to give / return their energy back to them. Otherwise, you will absorb their energies even from simple day to day incidents. 

8) Empaths are very vulnerable in the sense that they have an open heart. A heart that is completely open. But others can SEE it and that is why empaths are often victims of their own behaviour. Some signs of an open heart are- agreeableness, participating and co-operating, patience, inability to use violence, inability or disinterest in controlling others, letting others do what they want (free spirit), coming to the rescue of others, sharing things and emotions, ability to listen for hours (does not talk about self but rather listen to others), hide their own problems, extremely understanding and accepting of the flaws of others, very moral and fears the judgement of other people/society and hence, ridden with guilt, god-fearing, harmless, will stretch oneself to take care of the needs of others -the needs of not only those who truly love them but also those who might occasionally mock them or devalue them . For these reasons, empaths become easy target of bullies. So, empaths have to hide these characteristics and put on a mask of mystery and un-reacheableness.

9)There are some cons of maintaining boundaries too. Too much boundary maintenance or energy management may make you hyper vigilant, anxious, suspicious, angry and fearful. So, be careful about this too. Unconsciously, while still maintaining boundaries, you may be projecting your hatred or cynicism on people whom you dislike ( and also on people who are very close to you because you are still not getting what you want). So, do maintain boundaries but see that all love is not lost for those people who are difficult to co-exist with. It is difficult to achieve this balance but again, it is possible only with the regular practice of detachment and distance. In detachment, the expectations are lesser and hence, your anger is lesser. 

(10) When you practice boundaries, you may have to close some parts of your heart. You may have to forcibly let go of certain desires and expectations. Your heart cannot be totally open. But the paradox is that, it ALSO needs to be open. Particularly, in areas where you feel safe. Softness is a MUST ( in safe places). Find such places and try to remain there everyday. Through self care, reading books on love and kindness and other mediums, you have to be in a space of loving and positive energy. Everyday you need to practice this. Only detachment and boundaries without any sweetness/comfort/self care will have a bad effect on your mental health.

Read love and romance novels, watch romantic comedy, read feel good books, listen to music, buy things to please your senses, cook, be with nature, be creative and do things you love because boundary maintenance can be exhausting and you need BIG amount of love and relaxation  to compensate for that.

11) Most important- as an empath, you need to be in tune with higher vibrations. Because that is where the source of your energy lies. Once you tune in to higher vibrations, no force can stop you from anything, not even your guilt, which is a matter of social conditioning.

12)  The journey of an empath is a journey from lower energies to higher energies. Since empaths are naturally sensitive to all kinds of energies, that is why it is all the more necessary for them to do energy work. However, a word of caution : Even if you are an empath or a naturally compassionate being and you have managed your energies quite well, yet, you may still feel blockages. This happens because we sometimes get trapped by the societal definitions of love and compassion and do not tune into a world beyond that. So, we have to look beyond it by reflecting, meditating or relaxing in a quiet environment to unlock our blockages. Some answers come from beyond yet we foolishly search it within our societal parameters. 

13) Whereas, others look into the external/conscious world to motivate or improve themselves, empaths have to tune into their inner world - both the sub conscious and the unconscious.They also need to access their dark/shadow-self often to understand the mysteries of life.

14) Even if you are an empath, it is not possible for you to be happy, alert and loving all the time. It is because you are still a spirit trapped in a human body which is still surrounded by social  circumstances/ conditions. This is an important eye-opening fact and this will remind you to take things easy in times of crisis. However, your primary identity is that of an empathy only -  of a loving, feeling, compassionate being and that is where your purpose lies-to spread love and touch the lives of people who need to be empowered by empathy.

15) Managing your energy does not simply mean staying away from the wrong people. It is not merely a guide that teaches you how to avoid the wrong kinds of people. It is more than that. It is a guide that tells us how to be happy in a chaotic world and how to realize our highest potential while still being with difficult people and relationships. Whether you will stay, avoid, minimize contact or  leave for good,  is up to you to decide. But at whatever stage you are (at present), you have to "learn" to manage yourself because energy management helps you to live consciously. I am a big advocate of conscious living and also believe in discovering my highest potential. Sometimes, we may not want to change ourselves. Sometimes, we are not ready for change. Sometimes, we are tired, our soul is tired and we do not have time. Sometimes, we just want to be rather than do. But if we take a little time  everyday ( reflect/contemplate/meditate) to seek newer paths and discover what we are "capable" of, then a whole new world is waiting for us, we will soon see that world. 

Thank you for reading !

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