12.06.2019

A few thoughts for today... ( by Sanghamitra Nath)


 "Rightly or wrongly does not matter. People want a guilty person. "

- quote from the book "Alias Grace" written by Man Booker Prize winner ( for the same book) Margaret Atwood.

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How true is this quote and  how relevant it is to our times. In the light of today's encounter killing in Hyderabad, it appears to be true, at least. Although justice seems to be served before the guilty is pronounced guilty, it is a matter of grave concern that justice has been served in this manner. Three reasons come to my mind :

1. This 'quick' killing  empowered the murderers. They died in a second. Whereas the woman victim suffered for hours and killed in a brutal manner.

2. The murderers were captured but it is not yet proven if all of them are actual murderers or innocent people caught by the police under public pressure. For that, they needed to go on trial. Also, whether it was a staged killing or real, we will not get to  know.

3. This kind of justice is similar to the justice of stone ages where not only murderers or perpetrators of crime are devoid of any reason or rationality but also the authorities/ tribe leaders/ law makers who give in to public pressure and kill suspects much before justice is served. It is very similar to "witch hunting or witch burning" in the past.


6.29.2019

How To Manage Energy Better; A Guide for Empaths, Feelers, Lovers and Idealists (Part 3 by Sanghamitra Nath)


Read part 1 here and part 2 here

1) First, Try to Know Yourself : Are you an unconditionally loving, caring, forgiving, accepting ,co-operative, understanding, hopeful, gentle, silent, free giver of emotions, positive and peace loving person ? Then, you are most likely an empath/feeler/idealist. This is where your energy lies.

As an empath, there are mainly two reasons why you should manage your energy. These are-
a) As an empath, you are energy sensitive. You have unlimited energy for understanding, loving, kindness and tolerating. You are a giver. You give more than you take.
Unlimited energy + tolerance makes you an easy target /victim of a brutal society.
b) However, as an empath, you also have limited energy for negativity, hatred, gossip, etc. etc. You get drained by too much external stimuli. Limited energy makes you the victim of your own circumstances and you fail to realize your full potential.You create your own energy blockages.

2) Second, Try to Know Others :  When you relate to another person, observe what is his/ her energy like ? Is it opposite to your energy ? Is the person anxious, self centred, bragging all the time, doesn't let you be, controlling, loud, hateful, negative, non-compromising, interfering, forceful, gossiping, lying, spreading rumours, brooding, calculating, giving only with conditions, withholding emotions, restless, type ?

3) When you observe a mis-match of energies between you and the other person, that is the first sign that you should draw a boundary. Do not try to fill up the gaps in energies or this mis-match by your efforts, or by compromising because you have found a few likeable /similar  traits or by showing extra kindness. If you do so, things will be better for a while but after some time, your energy will go downhill.

4) If you feel guilty for not being able to show the level of kindness  ( as shown by you previously) or by drawing boundaries, then remember that guilt may occur due to the following reasons :
i. Guilt is a sign of fear or shame which you have forgotten now but it is still unconsciously rooted in your childhood/post-childhood/somewhere in your past. Maybe, it is a sign that your inner child was shamed by an adult (from your past or felt shamed by society), from which your adult self has not yet recovered. 
ii. Guilt also means "that you deeply believe that being still controlled by society  is ok  because you are "not mature enough to know the good from the bad". 
iii. Guilt may be a sign of shutting down your emotions (because of something that happened to you in the past) but now you are ashamed of that act and now you want to do the right thing by pleasing people/ society who do not add any value to your life. For you, the relationship is more important than your feelings or values because you can compromise your values but you cannot compromise with your relations. 
iv. Maybe, for you, any relation ( even if you feel empty and drained), is better than no relation. 
v. Guilt is very tricky/ confusing and often very personal/ private. If you feel guilty, remember that guilt makes you feel small in comparison to others whereas love makes you feel good/ comfortable/ happy. If you feel guilty for not doing something, then remember that anything that makes you feel small cannot be better than  your failure/what you have not done. 

5) If at all, you are forced to maintain a relationship with mis-matched energies, then you have to do the following things- find a person or thing with a matching energy and invest most of  your emotions into it. That could be a friend, a pet, book, internet forums, etc.etc. Spend less and less time with the mis-matched energy.

6) Whenever you are with a mis-matched energy, hold yourself ( centre yourself) within your boundary. Do not invest any emotion or energy into that relationship- only formalities are allowed. The moment you invest energy/emotion by showing genuine interest, extending help, listening to their sorrows, complaints, etc.etc.,  you will spiral out of control because from that point on-you will get sucked into their energy field of negative energies.

7) Whenever possible, ( I know that it is not possible all the time but ) control the urge to speak or give your opinions on matters initiated by them. Control the urge to participate not only in their drama and negative energies, BUT ALSO in their harmless or meaningless conversations. Try to be a silent observer instead. It is the only way to give / return their energy back to them. Otherwise, you will absorb their energies even from simple day to day incidents. 

8) Empaths are very vulnerable in the sense that they have an open heart. A heart that is completely open. But others can SEE it and that is why empaths are often victims of their own behaviour. Some signs of an open heart are- agreeableness, participating and co-operating, patience, inability to use violence, inability or disinterest in controlling others, letting others do what they want (free spirit), coming to the rescue of others, sharing things and emotions, ability to listen for hours (does not talk about self but rather listen to others), hide their own problems, extremely understanding and accepting of the flaws of others, very moral and fears the judgement of other people/society and hence, ridden with guilt, god-fearing, harmless, will stretch oneself to take care of the needs of others -the needs of not only those who truly love them but also those who might occasionally mock them or devalue them . For these reasons, empaths become easy target of bullies. So, empaths have to hide these characteristics and put on a mask of mystery and un-reacheableness.

9)There are some cons of maintaining boundaries too. Too much boundary maintenance or energy management may make you hyper vigilant, anxious, suspicious, angry and fearful. So, be careful about this too. Unconsciously, while still maintaining boundaries, you may be projecting your hatred or cynicism on people whom you dislike ( and also on people who are very close to you because you are still not getting what you want). So, do maintain boundaries but see that all love is not lost for those people who are difficult to co-exist with. It is difficult to achieve this balance but again, it is possible only with the regular practice of detachment and distance. In detachment, the expectations are lesser and hence, your anger is lesser. 

(10) When you practice boundaries, you may have to close some parts of your heart. You may have to forcibly let go of certain desires and expectations. Your heart cannot be totally open. But the paradox is that, it ALSO needs to be open. Particularly, in areas where you feel safe. Softness is a MUST ( in safe places). Find such places and try to remain there everyday. Through self care, reading books on love and kindness and other mediums, you have to be in a space of loving and positive energy. Everyday you need to practice this. Only detachment and boundaries without any sweetness/comfort/self care will have a bad effect on your mental health.
Read love and romance novels, watch romantic comedy, read feel good books, listen to music, buy things to please your senses, cook, be with nature, be creative and do things you love because boundary maintenance can be exhausting and you need BIG amount of love and relaxation  to compensate for that.

11) Most important- as an empath, you need to be in tune with higher vibrations. Because that is where the source of your energy lies. Once you tune in to higher vibrations, no force can stop you from anything, not even your guilt, which is a matter of social conditioning.

12)  The journey of an empath is a journey from lower energies to higher energies. Since empaths are naturally sensitive to all kinds of energies, that is why it is all the more necessary for them to do energy work. However, a word of caution : Even if you are an empath or a naturally compassionate being and you have managed your energies quite well, yet, you may still feel blockages. This happens because we sometimes get trapped by the societal definitions of love and compassion and do not tune into a world beyond that. So, we have to look beyond it by reflecting, meditating or relaxing in a quiet environment to unlock our blockages. Some answers come from beyond yet we foolishly search it within our societal parameters

13) Whereas, others look into the external/conscious world to motivate or improve themselves, empaths have to tune into their inner world - both the sub conscious and the unconscious.They also need to access their dark/shadow-self often to understand the mysteries of life.

14) Even if you are an empath, it is not possible for you to be happy, alert and loving all the time. It is because you are still a spirit trapped in a human body which is still surrounded by social  circumstances/ conditions. This is an important eye-opening fact and this will remind you to take things easy in times of crisis. However, your primary identity is that of an empathy only -  of a loving, feeling, compassionate being and that is where your purpose lies-to spread love and touch the lives of people who need to be empowered by empathy.

15) Managing your energy does not simply mean staying away from the wrong people. It is not merely a guide that teaches you how to avoid the wrong kinds of people. It is more than that. It is a guide that tells us how to be happy in a chaotic world and how to realize our highest potential while still being with difficult people and relationships. Whether you will stay, avoid, minimize contact or  leave for good,  is up to you to decide. But at whatever stage you are (at present), you have to "learn" to manage yourself because energy management helps you to live consciously. I am a big advocate of conscious living and also believe in discovering my highest potential. Sometimes, we may not want to change ourselves. Sometimes, we are not ready for change. Sometimes, we are tired, our soul is tired and we do not have time. Sometimes, we just want to be rather than do. But if we take a little time  everyday ( reflect/contemplate/meditate) to seek newer paths and discover what we are "capable" of, then a whole new world is waiting for us, we will soon see that world. 

Thank you for reading !
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6.25.2019

How to manage your energy better : A guide for empaths, feelers, lovers, idealists ( Part 2) by Sanghamitra Nath


(Please refer to my previous post -part 1 to understand this part better)
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In my previous post, I have concluded that if our idealism, love, hope and positivity is not reciprocated, we might turn critical, negative and violent over a period of time. So, the question now is how can we channelize our idealism without getting hurt ?

Idealist people need some kind of connection and passion. They require an idealist atmosphere to thrive. They either need to "give or share" love. They need to do something that is related to love. But how do we express love without fear ? How do we express love without being taken advantage of  ?

The moment we are taken advantage of, all love turns into fear, anger or violence. Yet, at the same time, we cannot do without love. We cannot go on in our life when love is lacking or missing.
Initially, what happens is that we give our love and we continue to give love even after we are hurt or taken advantage of. It is because we have an abundance of love that we are willing to give and share even after the initial hurt.

But as time goes by, this non-reciprocity makes us bitter and we cannot give love, anymore, any longer.  We become bitter and hard. This hardness makes us cold and uncomfortable. Then how can we continue to feel love or give love ?

What LOVE means to you - which is something  very deep and committed is "seen" very differently by others. For them, love is not as deep or selfless. Rather it is selfish (when they use you to maximize their selfish needs or when they pressurize you to do things for them or simply use you and then conveniently forgets  to address your needs when they arise).

So, even if you give or share love selflessly, you will never get the same/ exact feelings back. Because they "DO NOT FEEL or  EXPERIENCE"  love the same way you are experiencing it. You have to understand this. For other people, it is an act, an acting, a mask to get their things done and  also a mask to function normally or socially. They are not deep and true.


So, think about it. Where are you investing your LOVE now and where should you invest rather ? And even if you are investing or giving selfless love , do other people feel the same way ? Probably not. Moreover, for them, love is constant talking  and communicating without any feelings involved. Only small talk about "how are you, how is the weather" without having any feelings for you .

So, if you think that by communicating and by taking part in all these conversations will make love come alive, it will NOT because the basic energy is missing. ( somebody can copy you but cannot copy your vibes/energy). That is why, we feel drained even after a normal conversation. So, talk and communicate but do not expect any compassion or emotional empathy from that communication.

What is love according to you is very different from what is love, according to them. Maybe, for their loved ones ( their children, parents , grandkids, etc.etc. ) they have a bit of emotional empathy, but for you, and in regard to your feelings, they have none. For you, the only thing that is there is to have meaningless conversations (aka small talk that drags on for hours and brings them and their close circle to the centre of attention) which will drain you, confuse you and even make you angry later on. So, tread carefully.


But then the question that remains to be answered is -How do we, (as idealists, empaths and feelers ) stay sane, happy and content if this world is sometimes a very difficult place to live in ? Stay tuned for the third  part of this blog post, where I shall discuss about how an  empath/idealist can thrive in the midst of difficulties.

Thank you for reading !



How to manage your energy better : A guide for empaths, feelers, lovers, idealists ( Part 1) by Sanghamitra Nath


People like us want deep and meaningful relationships. 
But it is not possible with someone who do not value your values. Right ?

You may not experience any value, kindness or empathy while you continue to relate with certain people. These people may be your family or friends or even work colleagues. You have met some of them and often wondered why do you feel so "different" around them.

You mostly feel "confused" by these relationships. Sometimes, you may feel a "deep pain"  and sometimes, "emptiness" even if you had a so called "normal" conversation with them. 

It is because even if some kind of human feelings and values exist between you and the other person, these are simply for the moment, to fulfill a particular need. This is particularly true in the case of a short term relationship. In the case of a long term relationship, these feelings will fluctuate often from kindness one moment to mocking or derogatory comments the next moment and eventually to hate and devaluation on a daily basis.

If a relationship is difficult, an empath tries hard to fix it. An empath puts more and more effort until all her energies are exhausted and she starts feeling frustrated and angry thinking why everything is not working according to the principle of "how it is supposed to be".

 No, as an empath and a feeler, you are not doing anything wrong. But there are certain things that you need to know and learn so that you do not spiral into irritation, negativity or depression while dealing with such relationships. Today, I will discuss about these issues.

Yes, empaths often spiral into negativity, anger and irritation because they want to "forcibly assign",  meaning, love, value and feelings" to  certain relationships. You also lose valuable time, sleep and energy by trying to "do good",  make the best out of the situation and by thinking that "things will be better if you put a little more effort ". The fact that you are losing sleep or time or energy does not matter to you because you value your difficult relationships more than your lost sleep or time. That is why those who are not empaths can sleep peacefully even after devaluing you. They can be successful in their work life even if they ignore you. They can make plans of  having fun just within a few minutes or seconds after hurting you.

Yes, an empath tries hard to make a difficult relationship work. But in all of this, you have to remember that it is "YOU", who is looking at the situation from "YOUR ANGLE", from the idealistic, hopeful, rose tinted glasses. This may have worked in some cases in your life but it is no longer working because this time, the people  involved are not interested in making this work. Maybe, these people only want to maximize their interests. Maybe, these people are constantly thinking about how to get the best deal from all relationships. Maybe, they are the cold calculating types who have already prioritized whom they want to give more  interest and energy in their life ( rather than you ). You have to accept that it is not "YOU", no matter how hard you try to win their affection.

So, you cannot make the relationship work with ONLY your efforts ALONE. But first you have to ask why do you even think that you have to make something "work" in the first place ? Well, the obvious answer is that "it is my nature". It is your inborn nature to do good and have an idealistic outlook.  To create harmony and feel empathy.

But have you ever noticed how other people will not think like you or fail to see things from your perspective ?

Have you also noticed that how this "inborn" nature of yours is harming you over the years? Are these habits and nature allowing you to be happy all the time ? Yes, of course, when you meet like minded people. Then, you feel good that your inborn traits are being reciprocated or acknowledged. But what about those occasions when they are not valued and when they produce the opposite results ? What about those dark times ? Darkness is natural and bad things may happen to good people, but how often and for how long ?

It is difficult for you to be detached because detachment is not your original quality.  This idealistic, inborn nature is so close to your skin, you have grown up with this for so long that you start feeling uncomfortable the moment you are told to act opposite to your nature.

But you have to realize that this idealistic and empathetic nature is disturbing your inner peace.
Although empathy and idealism is a positive motivating force in human life, yet with certain kinds of people and in certain situations, it may create pain, hurt, sorrow, irritation, anger and even violence, if these hurts remain unaddressed for long.

When idealism, empathy, kindness is NOT HEARD or NOT VALUED, the way you would like it to be heard/valued/reciprocated, then love can turn into hate, anger, irritation and even violent behaviour.

So, no matter how idealistic you are, it is always better to be safe. At least with certain kinds of folks and in certain situations. I would say " with all kinds of folks and in all situations because you never know who is going to break your heart later on ".

( please continue reading this post  in Part 2 )



5.09.2019

Writing Again ( by Sanghamitra Nath)





Dear Friends,

I am writing again, after a long long time. The last time I wrote was 5 months back and before that, 3 Years back.

Sometimes, I wonder why I don't write as much as I used to even though I love to write so much !  Maybe, one of the reasons is that I have lost the connection that I used to have with my own self. Or that for a long long time, I have forgotten what it means to have a sense of self.

Today, some of my old Blogger friends were discussing about the lost art of writing and blogging. Their conversation has motivated me to write again. So, after a long gap, I am writing again.

Writers like me live in a highly abstract world- a world which cannot be understood by many and sometimes, if you begin to describe it, they may call you weird or strange. So, it is best to put down my thoughts in writing (to self ) rather than speaking ( to others). It is very essential for abstract people like writers to express their thoughts and in the absence of many people not understanding us, we have to get it out of our system not by trying to explain to people by speaking out but by writing out in a journal or a blogging platform. Of course, we are speaking to an audience but that is later. First, we are speaking to ourselves. We are putting ourselves in front of the world but before that, we are "coming out"of our shells in which we have been hiding for so long. This is a sign of establishing or asserting our identity.
Writers write about what is important for them.What they have known for so long. What they love. What they want. What they hope. What keeps them going. The conversations that they have with themselves. What they want to release or surrender.
And these conversations can be sometimes very long, absurd and abstract for the readers but not for the writers. For them, writing is life itself.

Anyways, I am already feeling so good for being finally able to write after a long long time. So much has happened over these years. I did not even document these incidents and events in my writing. But that is not necessary. I am not saying that analyzing or keeping record of our lives is not necessary but what is perhaps more necessary is our connection with our self even after all these years and not getting lost in the events that overpowered us.

I think I have said enough for today. I hope to keep writing in this space as frequently as possible.



1.02.2019

Flow ( by Sanghamitra Nath)



Life is good,
Life is wonderful,
Life is pain,
It's all a part of the game


One of the most beautiful things about life is to accept things as they are rather than resist. Last year was very hard on me, it still is but much less. I had to learn and re-learn how not to resist.
Non-resistance means going with the flow and surrendering to life. It means not blocking your "flow" with your analysis, judgement or control. It means just be and nothing else.

When I can't do anything to change the situation, its better to accept and move on. And that's what I am doing. Sounds very harsh and rigid but over a period of time, I have realized that it is possible to achieve our dreams and wishes even in the midst of acceptance and non resistance.  But how ?
This is what I have learned from my experiences from the previous year :

1. Both happy and difficult moments in our life come in a cycle. Just like happy and difficult people or pleasant and painful relationships. There is no need to be prepared for or become anxious of the best or the worst. BOTH  good/bad, better/worse, pleasure/pain always come and go just like an ongoing cycle. One day, you realize how both keep changing or keep coming and going even if you don't want the bad to come or even if you don't want the good to leave.

2. It is possible to find happiness even in the saddest times and find love even in the hardest times. It is because even in sadness, or in hardship,  there are moments or things that misses our eyes because we are too much engulfed in our miseries and painful circumstances. So, we have to take out some time to find happiness in hidden places. Either we have to notice and make some effort or we have to become calm and still to sense the serenity in the chaos.

3. We have unlimited potential in us. We do not realize that and easily give up. I think that every day, we should try to test our limits a little more, go a little deeper, move an inch more or create something new, rise a little higher. 

4. We are inherently beautiful. Our beauty spreads in proportion to our belief in ourselves. The more confident we are about ourselves, the more beautiful we will look on the outside. Self doubt will take us ten steps behind whereas, even blind faith can transform our lives beyond our imagination.

5. When logic doesn't work and circumstances doesn't change, we have to take refuge in the abstract realm. When the conscious or the real world is beyond our control, the subconscious world comes to our rescue. We need to search deep within ourselves through our fears, dreams, wishes, anxieties, hopes and desires to make sense out of this nonsense that we face everyday. Sanity can be reached only by exploring the subconscious or unconscious complexities or the pains of everyday human existence. We are  with the flow when acceptance and exploration takes place instead of too much control, resistance or too many questions.

~

Here are some quotes on Flow :
“Everything is temporary. Emotions, thoughts, people, and scenery. Do not become attached. Just flow with it.” Anonymous
“Those who flow as life flows know they need no other force.” Lao Tzu
 “Just flow with the time, do with the flow. Then there is no agony. There is only contentment all the time.” Mohanji

Let it come. Let it go. Let it flow.” Anonymous

“Going with the flow is responding to cues from the universe. When you go with the flow, you’re surfing life force. It’s about wakeful trust and total collaboration with what’s showing up for you.” Danielle LaPorte

Go with the flow. Force nothing. Let it happen – trusting that whichever way it goes. It’s for the best.” Mandy Hale